2016.
I can't even bring myself to say that it was a bad year, despite the many celebrity and family/friend deaths, despite the fact that the words two-thousand-sixteen has almost become a cuss word for most people. 2016 has been a most weird year for me.
Yeah, weird. Weird unusual occurrences, things that kind of stand out in the spectrum of my life this past year.
I ended 2015 with a divorced babydaddy womanizer type of guy I didn't have business messing with in the first place. So what. Perpetual loneliness takes you to some crazy, unnecessary places. I needed the company. I'm getting to a point in my life where I can admit my mistakes yet at the same time, pick out the good in unsavory situations or people. So at least in messing with this character, I started 2016 by climbing Stone Mountain on New Year's day, almost dying in the process. Despite this, dude wasn't impressed. It didn't matter though. I did it. I was near tears, out of breath, cold and sore, but I did it. Kind of like a precursor to what my year would be like. A triumphant ascension, only to come back down to reality.
Later that week, I had a job interview. Three weeks later, just as I thought I wasn't selected for the position, I got the call that I did in fact land the job. My happiness was through the roof. After six agonizing months at a job where I was making much less money, I finally made it happen for myself by landing back at Northside Hospital. The first few months at said job was like a honeymoon. Sure, I was doing work that I had never done before, but this fact didn't faze me. After all, in the past, I've adjusted and perfected any other job I've held. After all, I made it through a baptismal of fire through my many years at Cincinnati Children's and survived a hellish year and a half at my first Northside position. This new gig should be a piece of cake.
Lo and behold, what I didn't know is that I would be gradually knocked down a peg or two in my new position. For the first time, I felt truly confused at this job, with its onslaught of unfamiliar insurance terminology, complicated rules and processes, and savvier, younger, more educated coworkers who seemed to catch on so much more quickly. All of a sudden, I'm the question asker instead of the question answerer. Feeling so overwhelmed; stressing out over the amount of unfinished work at the end of a day. Initially, I thought that my superior customer service skills would compensate for my lack of skills. It did and still does make up for my lack of knowledge sometimes, but I learned good customer service goes only so far. It took me a while to realize that the problem isn't me at all, but our management and their lack of proper training. Yet still, I was (and still am) grateful to have a job to go to, a job where I'm getting paid much more than I was this very time last year. Still, it has me yearning for the organized solid simplicity of Cincinnati Children's every day.
Anyhow, I trudged through the spring with good, positive thoughts. In April, a good friend set me up on a blind date so bad that I haven't really talked to her about it, LOL The date was so bad and awkward that it was over in under two hours and all I could do is laugh. Being who I am, I didn't judge the man by the fact he was 48, unmarried with no children because people judge me just as harshly for being 38, unmarried with no children. Next time, I will totally judge and take better heed to warning signs and red flags. A shout-out to my homegirl. He's your husband's friend, but he has no social skills and he smelled funky! You tried and I appreciate it!
Fast-forward to May, when who used to be one of my best friends offers to take me to Vegas for my birthday. Best, most expensive, most opulent gift I've ever been given, birthday or otherwise. Long story short, it was the best time of my life, really. My first time out west. I actually saw the Grand Canyon with my own eyes, although it was from the plane. Such a good trip, that I'm already planning to go again next year. Except that this "friend" won't be there. A great friendship of many years, destroyed by the friends with benefits situation, over and done with because I dared to want more. Ladies, if you're hanging out with you and doesn't want his friends and family on Facebook to see you in pictures with him...he is not your friend nor your lover. A man can spend thousands of dollars on you and not care about you at all. Another valuable yet painfully stinging lesson I've learned this year. Just now, the depression over has been lifting. Because I thought he was the one. But the one will love you, regardless of what others say and think about you. Love and relationships should never be forced. Perhaps maybe, someone will love me more than I love him, more than I love myself.
So by the end of the summer and fall, I'm in pretty bad shape mentally. The man that I adore doesn't love me back and I'm at a unfulfilling job that sucks little pieces of my soul away daily. The urge to give up was incredibly strong. But there has always been that little glimmer of hope within me, no matter what. The highlight of all of this was gaining and meeting my precious new niece; my brother's first and only child. What a pleasure and joy it will be watching her grow up and getting to know her. I thank God for blessing my siblings with children of their own. Only He knows if I will ever be blessed in the same manner. Until then, I have my precious nieces and nephews to spoil and love on.
I can honestly say I enjoyed time with my family this past Thanksgiving and Christmas. When all else fails, I have them by my side. Uneventful, but blessed because I know there are people out there without a family at all.
I must stick it out at my current job. It's the only way I know I'm going to Vegas next year. The best thing about this job is being able to take time off when needed. I already know they're going to approve the week and a half off I requested for next June. I know that if I did get a new job, chances are good that I'd be on some type of 90-day probation and working right through my birthday. Not having it. Amazing what we'll tolerate for that coveted prize.
Despite my year of weird and unusual ups and downs, I did one other thing that was completely out of the ordinary.
I applied to Kennesaw State University. About a week ago, as a matter of fact. This one simple act has made me so happy because I know this is the first step in me proactively changing my life for the better. When someone addresses me as Dr. Bristol about ten years from now, a single soul won't be able to take credit for it. It will be me, the one who made that decision at the end of 2016. I'll be starting the fall semester in August 2017! I have yet to be accepted: but it is already written and I have claimed it.
What made me decide to pursue a college career some twenty years after dropping out? I'll tell you. I'm tired of being a gofer for the educated. I'm tired of being at the bottom of the totem pole. I'm tired of watching my own talents go untapped. Tired of scraping by. Tired of being the slower, older coworker at a deaf-end job with no chance of advancement. I'm tired of being viewed as an expendable, unappreciated, and disrespected pawn in corporate America. Sure, I'm certain that even some highly educated people experience the same thing in a different realm. But at least those folks have something to fall back on; whereas I do not. I'm leaning toward psychology/counseling with an emphasis on sex therapy.
Wild, ain't it!?! They say, do what you like. Well, at least I can help people out in an area that truly interests and fascinates me. So in about ten years' time, you can bring your problems to my door (perhaps my own private practice!). And I will listen with an open mind as well as an open heart.
I end this year with dreams of seeing my very own degrees neatly hung on the wall of my very own office in the future.
I end this year, going into next year not focusing so much on my single status as I'm prone to doing. Next year, hopefully I'll be way too busy to even think about snagging a significant other. All I can and will do is focus on myself and continue being the absolute best person I can be, as I have been.
I end this year with the confidence to fly alone to Vegas for my birthday next year. I envision myself in the Bellagio; eating, drinking, playing a few slots and buying a lot of souvenirs. The thought scares me a little, going all alone. But the thought of all the fun and sun and Vegas lights overrides my fear. And I think I'll check out that Grand Canyon close and personal this time. And that I'll be in St. Lucia for my 40th birthday. Passport time!
I end this year realizing that my mistakes don't define who I am, but the fact that I'm learning from my mistakes and making better choices as a result.
I end this year realizing that God isn't withholding blessings from me as I previously thought. It is Satan, weaseling his way into my life and creating strife. I realize that he loves it when I'm unhappy or feeling bitter; he thrives off of this. This too, will change.
I will end this year alone in solitude. I may go to church, but I somehow know I need to be alone. Time for silent reflection, positive prayers for all I will be and all I will accomplish in 2017. Perhaps a couple glasses of champagne and go to bed.
I go into next year with my head held high, fueled by all my hopes, wishes, dreams, and prayers. I'm a severely flawed individual, but damn if I'm not one of the most unique and genuine women out here. I realize I am necessary to the world. One does not run into me often. I am realizing my purpose. It took me a while, but hey. Better late than never.
It's never too late to try and do ANYTHING you want to do in this life. Let those who tell you that you're not capable, those who have no faith in you, be the catalyst for you to spring into action. After all, it was once said to my face that I'd never leave Cincinnati and be there forever with the other complacents. Over three years later, I can say the Atlanta life hasn't been an easy journey. But my goodness, it most definitely has been worth it. I think of the trials and tribulations that continue to strengthen me and I think of all of the new friends that I would've never met had I not made that one pivotal decision.
God bless you all. His wonders never cease.
Happy 2017,
-Charmin
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Facebook HATES black people speaking out against racism!
Hey Ya'll,
It's been a long time since I checked in and for that, I apologize. I've been thinking lately that I do want to write more posts on my blog because I've neglected it these past few months.
Well, something has happened lately that I must share. I'll share it either you instead of making it a letter to Facebook like I initially intended to, but they probably receive thousands of letters daily and consequently, don't give a f!@#.
So I am saying it right here, right now: Facebook is RACIST.
Yeah, I said it. I was actually banned from posting at the time I started writing this entry (September 11th, 2016). And I'll be banned until sometime on Sunday, after my seven-day ban is complete. At which point, I'll share this post.
And get this: only last week was I released from the previous ban, which lasted for three days. And earlier this summer, I was banned for one day.
Why? What's my crime?
I as a black woman dared to open my mouth and speak out on the rampant racism in America and speaking out against the injustices and stereotypes plaguing black people to this day.
I actually dared to believe that I had free speech on Facebook. After all, I've really never had any problems with Facebook before; I believe it was around 2008 or so when I joined it. No problems whatsoever until now.
Now = summer 2016, a time where we have an openly bigoted presidential candidate preying on the fears of the shrinking (afraid) white majority, a time when a black football player peacefully protests and still receives death threats, a time where people condone the unnecessary deaths of black men by cops.
A time where many white people tell black people to shut up, go back to Africa, and stop playing the race card, although their ancestors were the ones who manufactured it.
Speak out against racism toward blacks and other minorities Facebook, and be reminded of not only how much certain whites hate blacks, but of how Facebook hates blacks as well.
Remind them of how this country wasn't theirs to begin with; about the systematic slaughter of the natives, and pay the price.
Always remember the horror of 9/11, and we should remember that horrible day when approximately 3,000 people lost their lives. But black people need to get over centuries of slavery and the unspeakably horrible Middle Passage where nearly 2,500,000 million Africans died.
And when I say 2,500,000 Africans died, that means, during the Middle Passage alone. Disease, murder by being tossed overboard and fed to the sharks who after a while realized slave ships were a guaranteed food source and followed them. Shackled to other slaves that had been dead for days. But we're not permitted to discuss it. It happened a long time ago. Forget about it, you whiny black people. Not surprisingly, there is no accurate statistic that exists on how many black souls were lost if they survived the Middle Passage, once they were herded onto American soil. So we can only assume and imagine how many lives were lost then, and I assume millions more. I could go on and discuss the black lives lost in the time immediately after slavery with lynchings during Jim Crow and the Civil Rights Era, but it would take too much time. Either way, we're expected to sweep it under the rug and move on although it's never suggested to other races to forget about the tragedies their ancestors suffered. Instead, it's thrown in our faces that the "Irish were slaves too" and that "Africans sold Africans to the white man" to undermine and minimize the very wrong horror of black American slavery. But I digress.
I say Facebook hates blacks because they'll ban me for speaking in a civilized tone, minus cussing and threats.....simply because a group of white supremacists inbox each other to report the uppity nigger that clearly doesn't know her place. Facebook then automatically assumes that I'm the problem and places the ban. They then suggest that I remind myself of the terms and conditions.....or else.
Yet, these same people can wish death on me, call me a colored nigger monkey welfare recipient and various other names and be allowed to go on and antagonize the next minority that dares to speak out against racism. Just like their ancestors before them believed, black folks are 3/5ths human and are just animals to be seen and not heard.
Report any of these people wishing black people into extinction and Facebook quickly responds that these people haven't done anything wrong. Even if they said you're a jigaboo blackie chicken bucket (yes, someone actually called me that).
Yes, Facebook somehow doesn't have a problem with angry racist whites.
It makes me wonder, what kind of people in charge of deciding who gets banned and who gets to stay and continue to post hate over there at Facebook headquarters?
Oh, I did my research and found an answer to my question. Behold, story #1 from over a year ago:
http://www.businessinsider.com/new-facebook-diversity-report-shows-company-still-mainly-white-and-male-2015-6
And story #2, written not even a month ago:
http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2016/08/facebook-cant-figure-out-how-to-diversify-its-staff/
Not surprising or earth-shattering information, but it causes two puzzle pieces in my mind to connect. And I've come to a couple of conclusion. My first, yet weak conclusion tries to give Facebook the benefit of the doubt: that Facebook doesn't give any one person or group of people, no matter how many, the power to ban another person. If they don't like what you're saying, they should only have the right to block you. This is a problem.
My second conclusion, as much as I don't want to believe it, is spot on. That the majority of the majority of white people who work for Facebook are racists who use their bias to decide who's banned and who's not. This is a problem.
I mean, how else do you explain white supremacist posters having free reign of the comments section and black people getting banned, just for simply speaking? You as a black person don't even have to address these supremacists directly. You can make a statement that they don't agree with and ban together to block you and have you banned. When a black person reports a page, Facebook smirks and says it's not a problem, that you being called a black nigger that needs to die in no way violates their terms and conditions and that no action will be taken. This is a problem.
However, if you state that black lives do indeed matter and that 85% of whites are murdered by other whites, you'll be promptly banned. Simply because they don't want black people to have a voice. Shut up nigger, we don't care. We're not on the shitty end of racism, so you just hush up. It's the message that some (NOT all whites send and that Facebook endorses. This is a problem.
Disgusting, isn't it? Less than four months away from the year 2017 and this is what we're dealing with. Facebook may as well include in their so-called terms and conditions that minorities practice their first amendment rights at the risk of being banned and to deal with racism. After all, that's the message they've sent to me more than once. This is a problem.
All I have left to say is, my voice feels stifled. I have to "watch my mouth," because at this point, I can say anything that makes one white person angry and/or uncomfortable and I'll probably be banned from Facebook for good. All my pictures and friends, gone because there are people who feel I don't have the right to speak out. Such bullshit. However, I do thank my some of my white friends for attempting to empathize and speaking against racial injustice in America. I marvel at their bravery in a counary that urges them to ignore their privilege. You are who proves that not all white people are racist. When a black counterpart says it, I'm quick to remind them that it's far from the truth.
We do need to stand as one, but we can't stand as one on an uneven playing field.
This may go viral, maybe it won't. I realize that penning this post probably subjects me to being banned yet again, but I have the insatiable need to speak out. Besides, being banned from Facebook has allowed me to turn my attention to other things in life despite me enjoying interactions with family and friends far and wide.
It's the the risk I'm taking to speak out, to have my voice heard. My black grandparents and other ancestors didn't have that right and I'm vocal because they weren't allowed to be. They had to stay in their place and deal with it.
I won't. I will continue to speak out, no matter how much discomfort it causes those who don't want equality for all. I'm no black militant, but a fighter for the underdog, which to this day is black people and other minorities. I owe it to the memory of my ancestors. Their bravery and long-suffering is the only reason why we as black people today enjoy the freedoms and lives we have today.
I hope they're proud of me.
Not-so-sincerely, Charmin J. Bristol
It's been a long time since I checked in and for that, I apologize. I've been thinking lately that I do want to write more posts on my blog because I've neglected it these past few months.
Well, something has happened lately that I must share. I'll share it either you instead of making it a letter to Facebook like I initially intended to, but they probably receive thousands of letters daily and consequently, don't give a f!@#.
So I am saying it right here, right now: Facebook is RACIST.
Yeah, I said it. I was actually banned from posting at the time I started writing this entry (September 11th, 2016). And I'll be banned until sometime on Sunday, after my seven-day ban is complete. At which point, I'll share this post.
And get this: only last week was I released from the previous ban, which lasted for three days. And earlier this summer, I was banned for one day.
Why? What's my crime?
I as a black woman dared to open my mouth and speak out on the rampant racism in America and speaking out against the injustices and stereotypes plaguing black people to this day.
I actually dared to believe that I had free speech on Facebook. After all, I've really never had any problems with Facebook before; I believe it was around 2008 or so when I joined it. No problems whatsoever until now.
Now = summer 2016, a time where we have an openly bigoted presidential candidate preying on the fears of the shrinking (afraid) white majority, a time when a black football player peacefully protests and still receives death threats, a time where people condone the unnecessary deaths of black men by cops.
A time where many white people tell black people to shut up, go back to Africa, and stop playing the race card, although their ancestors were the ones who manufactured it.
Speak out against racism toward blacks and other minorities Facebook, and be reminded of not only how much certain whites hate blacks, but of how Facebook hates blacks as well.
Remind them of how this country wasn't theirs to begin with; about the systematic slaughter of the natives, and pay the price.
Always remember the horror of 9/11, and we should remember that horrible day when approximately 3,000 people lost their lives. But black people need to get over centuries of slavery and the unspeakably horrible Middle Passage where nearly 2,500,000 million Africans died.
And when I say 2,500,000 Africans died, that means, during the Middle Passage alone. Disease, murder by being tossed overboard and fed to the sharks who after a while realized slave ships were a guaranteed food source and followed them. Shackled to other slaves that had been dead for days. But we're not permitted to discuss it. It happened a long time ago. Forget about it, you whiny black people. Not surprisingly, there is no accurate statistic that exists on how many black souls were lost if they survived the Middle Passage, once they were herded onto American soil. So we can only assume and imagine how many lives were lost then, and I assume millions more. I could go on and discuss the black lives lost in the time immediately after slavery with lynchings during Jim Crow and the Civil Rights Era, but it would take too much time. Either way, we're expected to sweep it under the rug and move on although it's never suggested to other races to forget about the tragedies their ancestors suffered. Instead, it's thrown in our faces that the "Irish were slaves too" and that "Africans sold Africans to the white man" to undermine and minimize the very wrong horror of black American slavery. But I digress.
I say Facebook hates blacks because they'll ban me for speaking in a civilized tone, minus cussing and threats.....simply because a group of white supremacists inbox each other to report the uppity nigger that clearly doesn't know her place. Facebook then automatically assumes that I'm the problem and places the ban. They then suggest that I remind myself of the terms and conditions.....or else.
Yet, these same people can wish death on me, call me a colored nigger monkey welfare recipient and various other names and be allowed to go on and antagonize the next minority that dares to speak out against racism. Just like their ancestors before them believed, black folks are 3/5ths human and are just animals to be seen and not heard.
Report any of these people wishing black people into extinction and Facebook quickly responds that these people haven't done anything wrong. Even if they said you're a jigaboo blackie chicken bucket (yes, someone actually called me that).
Yes, Facebook somehow doesn't have a problem with angry racist whites.
It makes me wonder, what kind of people in charge of deciding who gets banned and who gets to stay and continue to post hate over there at Facebook headquarters?
Oh, I did my research and found an answer to my question. Behold, story #1 from over a year ago:
http://www.businessinsider.com/new-facebook-diversity-report-shows-company-still-mainly-white-and-male-2015-6
And story #2, written not even a month ago:
http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2016/08/facebook-cant-figure-out-how-to-diversify-its-staff/
Not surprising or earth-shattering information, but it causes two puzzle pieces in my mind to connect. And I've come to a couple of conclusion. My first, yet weak conclusion tries to give Facebook the benefit of the doubt: that Facebook doesn't give any one person or group of people, no matter how many, the power to ban another person. If they don't like what you're saying, they should only have the right to block you. This is a problem.
My second conclusion, as much as I don't want to believe it, is spot on. That the majority of the majority of white people who work for Facebook are racists who use their bias to decide who's banned and who's not. This is a problem.
I mean, how else do you explain white supremacist posters having free reign of the comments section and black people getting banned, just for simply speaking? You as a black person don't even have to address these supremacists directly. You can make a statement that they don't agree with and ban together to block you and have you banned. When a black person reports a page, Facebook smirks and says it's not a problem, that you being called a black nigger that needs to die in no way violates their terms and conditions and that no action will be taken. This is a problem.
However, if you state that black lives do indeed matter and that 85% of whites are murdered by other whites, you'll be promptly banned. Simply because they don't want black people to have a voice. Shut up nigger, we don't care. We're not on the shitty end of racism, so you just hush up. It's the message that some (NOT all whites send and that Facebook endorses. This is a problem.
Disgusting, isn't it? Less than four months away from the year 2017 and this is what we're dealing with. Facebook may as well include in their so-called terms and conditions that minorities practice their first amendment rights at the risk of being banned and to deal with racism. After all, that's the message they've sent to me more than once. This is a problem.
All I have left to say is, my voice feels stifled. I have to "watch my mouth," because at this point, I can say anything that makes one white person angry and/or uncomfortable and I'll probably be banned from Facebook for good. All my pictures and friends, gone because there are people who feel I don't have the right to speak out. Such bullshit. However, I do thank my some of my white friends for attempting to empathize and speaking against racial injustice in America. I marvel at their bravery in a counary that urges them to ignore their privilege. You are who proves that not all white people are racist. When a black counterpart says it, I'm quick to remind them that it's far from the truth.
We do need to stand as one, but we can't stand as one on an uneven playing field.
This may go viral, maybe it won't. I realize that penning this post probably subjects me to being banned yet again, but I have the insatiable need to speak out. Besides, being banned from Facebook has allowed me to turn my attention to other things in life despite me enjoying interactions with family and friends far and wide.
It's the the risk I'm taking to speak out, to have my voice heard. My black grandparents and other ancestors didn't have that right and I'm vocal because they weren't allowed to be. They had to stay in their place and deal with it.
I won't. I will continue to speak out, no matter how much discomfort it causes those who don't want equality for all. I'm no black militant, but a fighter for the underdog, which to this day is black people and other minorities. I owe it to the memory of my ancestors. Their bravery and long-suffering is the only reason why we as black people today enjoy the freedoms and lives we have today.
I hope they're proud of me.
Not-so-sincerely, Charmin J. Bristol
Sunday, January 17, 2016
For the first time ever, I was told I should lose weight.
Good evening friends,
Hoping that 2016 has been good to you so far.
Although I've been thinking of reviving my blog for a while now, something happened to me recently that I can't help but to share with you.
I, Charmin J. Bristol, has been told that I should lose weight. For the first time ever. But before I get into the specifics of who said it and how it affected me, I'll say this. I've long thought of it as rude and insensitive to pick at someone because of their size. As far as I know, a chemical imbalance, genetics, a thyroid disorder or even an eating disorder can contribute to anyone being obese. Some people are happy in their overweight bodies; some are willing to work hard to do something about it. Either way, I feel no one else should mention a person's weight unless they're a family member or friend in true concern for their health and unless it's said with genuine gentleness and care. It's really not your business otherwise, especially given that you're not perfect yourself.
But anyway, back to myself.
I'll give you my reasons for my approximately 30, perhaps 40 pound weight gain in the past couple of years. I moved to Georgia and always having been a foodie, I fell in love with the endless, delicious variety of restaurants. I've always found good food so pleasurable and satisfying. And I thought, "why not indulge?" since I've always had a fast metabolism. But the aging process, as I've been approaching my late thirties, has clearly slowed my metabolism significantly. And oh yeah, I live in Atlanta now. Which means no walking to work or to the store as I did for over a decade back in Cincinnati. So I'm driving everywhere and walking nowhere. No exercise at all but walking to the car. These factors alone have contributed to my weight gain, in my opinion. Despite this, my blood pressure has remained normal, I remain healthy in general, and still think I look good and an overall fabulous woman with a great personality.....except for the extra weight.
So. To the point, short and sweet. I start dating a guy who seems nice, into being fit and trim/working out. And at first, I think it's cool because what can be better than being with a guy who not only seems to like me for me, but also give me some tips and pointers on getting in shape? Not bad, Charmin. Get it girl.
Well, I guess he had been wanting to tell me that I should lose weight for a while. Despite the fact I've been making quite the effort to work out and make better eating choices, he felt obligated to tell me that I should lose weight.
After the comment was made, I initially felt shock. Because up until a couple of years ago, I had a slim yet shapely figure to die for. I delighted in my perfect body during my twenties, which always fit perfectly in single-digit dress and pant sizes. Even at a size ten in my early thirties, I felt very comfortable and happy with my body and its weight. Never a complaint from any man, ever. Brickhouse, traffic-stopping status.
Until this past week. So initially, I felt shock, but hurt feelings that I didn't expect, that I tried to ignore. Because even though I'm a few pounds overweight, aren't I still fun to be with? Isn't my intellect stimulating enough to overlook my muffin top? Do you intentionally not realize that I am going to the gym, and that progress isn't an overnight process? Although you ain't no Denzel, haven't I liked you for you?
Apparently not, for the vain and indifferent. And mind you, the comment was said to me from a place of vanity, not a place of care and concern. It was said by a man who expects perfection, while he himself is far from perfect. Words from a man who wants to be seen with a perfect dimepiece, not a woma who has a few extra pounds.
Being told that I should lose weight for the first really got the wheels turning in my head. Firstly, it signaled that I have absolutely no room in my life for a flawed guy who insists on focusing on my "flaws." I can't even begin to fathom being with a man who doesn't completely accept me for who I am. The right man will appreciate me whether I'm 116 pounds or 260 pounds. Most importantly is that I absolutely love who I am, which has gotten me through this. Chubby Charmin is pretty much the same person Skinny Charmin is. Secondly, it made me stand in the shoes of many beautiful women who weigh much more than I do who have been told that they need to lose weight all their lives. If I was in my feelings and self-esteem stung by being told once, I could only imagine the humiliation and pain of being constantly reminded of it. Thirdly, I realize that my current quest for a more fit and healthy body is only for me and me alone. And for a special man somewhere in the future who'll be crazy about me, regardless of my size.
I give many props and much respect to all and any of my friends that share their journey of getting in shape on Facebook. They're true inspirations and have definitely encouraged me to start my own journey.
For anyone who's been told to "lose weight" or called fat by someone trying to kill your spirits (in an attempt to make their sorry self feel better), I dedicate today's entry to you. Beauty on the outside is null and void and means absolutely nothing if you're not beautiful on the inside as well.
Love, Charmin
Hoping that 2016 has been good to you so far.
Although I've been thinking of reviving my blog for a while now, something happened to me recently that I can't help but to share with you.
I, Charmin J. Bristol, has been told that I should lose weight. For the first time ever. But before I get into the specifics of who said it and how it affected me, I'll say this. I've long thought of it as rude and insensitive to pick at someone because of their size. As far as I know, a chemical imbalance, genetics, a thyroid disorder or even an eating disorder can contribute to anyone being obese. Some people are happy in their overweight bodies; some are willing to work hard to do something about it. Either way, I feel no one else should mention a person's weight unless they're a family member or friend in true concern for their health and unless it's said with genuine gentleness and care. It's really not your business otherwise, especially given that you're not perfect yourself.
But anyway, back to myself.
I'll give you my reasons for my approximately 30, perhaps 40 pound weight gain in the past couple of years. I moved to Georgia and always having been a foodie, I fell in love with the endless, delicious variety of restaurants. I've always found good food so pleasurable and satisfying. And I thought, "why not indulge?" since I've always had a fast metabolism. But the aging process, as I've been approaching my late thirties, has clearly slowed my metabolism significantly. And oh yeah, I live in Atlanta now. Which means no walking to work or to the store as I did for over a decade back in Cincinnati. So I'm driving everywhere and walking nowhere. No exercise at all but walking to the car. These factors alone have contributed to my weight gain, in my opinion. Despite this, my blood pressure has remained normal, I remain healthy in general, and still think I look good and an overall fabulous woman with a great personality.....except for the extra weight.
So. To the point, short and sweet. I start dating a guy who seems nice, into being fit and trim/working out. And at first, I think it's cool because what can be better than being with a guy who not only seems to like me for me, but also give me some tips and pointers on getting in shape? Not bad, Charmin. Get it girl.
Well, I guess he had been wanting to tell me that I should lose weight for a while. Despite the fact I've been making quite the effort to work out and make better eating choices, he felt obligated to tell me that I should lose weight.
After the comment was made, I initially felt shock. Because up until a couple of years ago, I had a slim yet shapely figure to die for. I delighted in my perfect body during my twenties, which always fit perfectly in single-digit dress and pant sizes. Even at a size ten in my early thirties, I felt very comfortable and happy with my body and its weight. Never a complaint from any man, ever. Brickhouse, traffic-stopping status.
Until this past week. So initially, I felt shock, but hurt feelings that I didn't expect, that I tried to ignore. Because even though I'm a few pounds overweight, aren't I still fun to be with? Isn't my intellect stimulating enough to overlook my muffin top? Do you intentionally not realize that I am going to the gym, and that progress isn't an overnight process? Although you ain't no Denzel, haven't I liked you for you?
Apparently not, for the vain and indifferent. And mind you, the comment was said to me from a place of vanity, not a place of care and concern. It was said by a man who expects perfection, while he himself is far from perfect. Words from a man who wants to be seen with a perfect dimepiece, not a woma who has a few extra pounds.
Being told that I should lose weight for the first really got the wheels turning in my head. Firstly, it signaled that I have absolutely no room in my life for a flawed guy who insists on focusing on my "flaws." I can't even begin to fathom being with a man who doesn't completely accept me for who I am. The right man will appreciate me whether I'm 116 pounds or 260 pounds. Most importantly is that I absolutely love who I am, which has gotten me through this. Chubby Charmin is pretty much the same person Skinny Charmin is. Secondly, it made me stand in the shoes of many beautiful women who weigh much more than I do who have been told that they need to lose weight all their lives. If I was in my feelings and self-esteem stung by being told once, I could only imagine the humiliation and pain of being constantly reminded of it. Thirdly, I realize that my current quest for a more fit and healthy body is only for me and me alone. And for a special man somewhere in the future who'll be crazy about me, regardless of my size.
I give many props and much respect to all and any of my friends that share their journey of getting in shape on Facebook. They're true inspirations and have definitely encouraged me to start my own journey.
For anyone who's been told to "lose weight" or called fat by someone trying to kill your spirits (in an attempt to make their sorry self feel better), I dedicate today's entry to you. Beauty on the outside is null and void and means absolutely nothing if you're not beautiful on the inside as well.
Love, Charmin
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