Swallowing the large and oddly-shaped bitter pill of possible old maid-dom......

Today, at this moment, the way I feel: some of my friends will DEFINITELY be grandparents, before I find a suitable boyfriend/future husband.

It's not horribly depressing, but somewhat saddening. That I would come to the conclusion that there is absolutely NO ONE out there for me.

Firstly, I ain't takin' no shit from NO man. That same shit other women put up with to say they have a man. You know that shit. All these babies, sidepieces, criminal records, lies, bullcrap. I'm just not. I refuse. I'm better than that. I'm not putting up with one lie. If you lie to me once, you'll lie to me again.

Secondly, I'm not changing who I am. For nobody. In the past, I felt maybe I have to change who I am. Either be an uptight snobby priss who has her nose turned up at everything and judging everyone, or be triflin', outta control skank with an insatiable hunger for money, men, clothes, and more money. Then, and maybe then, a man would be breaking his neck to call me his.

But that is not who I am. I can't even say I'm in the medium of the spectrum of that.

I am me. Charmin. The sunflower seed-cracking, truth-speaking, book-reading, way-too-nice, long-suffering, easy crying, potty-mouthed, yet considerate and nice young woman I've always been.

Oh yes: I've consider myself a prize. Contrary to popular belief, I have an very high self-esteem. I'm well-spoken, polite, beautiful, sexy, funny, and all that. Bonus: I have no babydaddies or snot-nosed brats to bring to the table. A man would be extremely lucky to find a fine catch like me.

However, I remain dateless, my phone remains ringless, and my bed empty and cold. It is the price I pay not to deal with the mess.

Guys don't holler at me anymore (well, at least until May when I wear less clothes).....perhaps they can see the disgust, pain, anger, and disappointment in my heart. The thrill is gone. Don't even talk to me, my eyes say. Of course they can't talk to me. Either their wife/girfriend/kids are usually right there.

I do think it's a serious crisis: the shortage of good black men. I really wish the men were like the men of my father's and grandfather's generations. Where it wasn't a contest to see how many women they could dog out, to see how many children out of wedlock they can produce, etc., etc., etc. Men back then seemed to deeply love their women and treat them like fine delicate pieces of china. Not anymore. The ones who do are quickly snatched within an eyeblink.....no wonder our fellow girlfriends who are wived up are like "eeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhehhhheeeeehhhhhhhhhh!" They too, know that they're lucky as hell.

I think that what some women don't want to realize or face up to, is that some of us are going to be left out. Not that we want to be left out, but there are literally much less black males than there are black females. We'll have no choice. Black males are aware of this, giving them more reason for them to believe that they're pimps and there are more tits and ass, excuse me, I mean women for the choosing.

We'll see......if I am an old maid forever. I'll call the people @ the Guiness Book of World Records if I ever found another that was close to being significant for me.

Those who are loved and their tendency to not understand.......

Yes, I vent about men, my inability to find a good one. I'm 32 and three quarters old, an age where a whole lot of my friends are married, have children, or in a serious relationship......yet, there is not one inkling of that on the horizon for me. And yes, I am kind of anxious and antsy about that, but not as much as I used to be. But, if you didn't realize or don't know, women can have children but for so long, and really built for childbearing in their younger years. If the eggs that live in my ovaries lasted as long as sperm do, I wouldn't really have to worry about whether I not I will have future progeny, now would I? But that's besides the point.

I am having trouble understanding why those women with husbands, fiances, or excellent boyfriends get irritated with me. It's like, you already have what I want, so what are you so upset for? Do you not think I should want the same? Or at least talk about how I feel about it? It's crazy. I would love to go to Jamaica for my birthday in June, but I refuse to be a third wheel on yet another outing like always. Who the hell wants to sit around and watch couples love on one another......especially when they themselves don't have a significant other???? Yeah, that's cool. I'm going to go with you, watch all of you snuggle and nearly make out, while I'm sitting there twiddling my thumbs, trying not to look at couples not-so-discreetly fondle each other, and wondering if there's any single guys walking around.

I think some people have been loved for so long or have always had a significant other, so they don't know what it's like to be lonely, alone, or just have horrible luck in the dating field. Or, they break up with someone just to hop in another relationship so easily. I try my best to understand. They are incapable of understanding how I feel. They are incapable of understanding how it feels to be unloved. They don't know what it's like to NOT have someone good enough to bring home to your parents, they have no idea how it feels to be so unattached. Nor do I think they realize how completely and utterly horrible the pickings of men are out here today.

I just wish that they'd be a little more understanding, count their blessings, and praise God every single day that they're blessed enough to have a nuturing, loving, significant other, and at least have some type of sympathy for those who haven't found it or may never find it.

Well, that's my two cents for today. Say what you will.

I am my own Valentine :) oh, and yours too.....I guess......

Oh beautiful, wonderful Charmin, how do I love thee, let me count the ways!!!!!!!

I love myself because I am awesome, honest, caring, loving, sensitive, and one of the most real people I know.....

I love myself because as much as I'd like to have a special love in my life, I don't NEED one.....I do quite well on my own :)

It doesn't matter if people have their noses turned up at me for whatever reason, and they do......the LORD LOVES ME and that is ALL I NEED......praise him!

I know I have plenty of family and friends who love me.....I love you too.

Can black men be okay without a big round ass????

You know, I've been reading about the poor young lady from the UK dying from "butt implants." Some of the comments I've heard from black men are expected and seem like they come from sane minds saying that women should love themselves for who they are, no matter how small, big, wide, or thin their buttocks are.

However, I saw a few comments from black men like "there's nothing worse for a girl in life than a flat ass" or "she's ass out." Are you frickin' kidding me????? I think some men could meet a woman who was incapable of cheating, very pretty otherwise, sharp mentally as a tack, and they will still lean back to see that she was ample curvature.

Before you "go in" on me, I know that all black men don't have this mentality. However, I have heard even some of my so-called educated friends drool over the width and fatness of a woman's backside.

I wonder how many black men would choose a woman with a nice plump butt rather than a sweet and caring personality. Honestly.

Tax time!

Here I go again, blogging, and because I'm narcissistic, you are free to read and make whatever comments or assumptions you may.

So. What am I thinking today? I'm about to get my taxes done, hopefully. If you're poor, like me, at my job, they'll do 'em for you for free. Problem is, my workplace contains about fifteen thousand folks. Meaning, quite a lot of po' folk would love to get their taxes done for free.

I just have no idea what I'm spending my tax money on, because I have a few ideas. Part of me wants to use it for moving to another apartment here in Cincinnati. Another part of me wants to hold on to it and accumulate more money along with it. so I can get the hell out of Cincinnati.