Swallowing the large and oddly-shaped bitter pill of possible old maid-dom......

Today, at this moment, the way I feel: some of my friends will DEFINITELY be grandparents, before I find a suitable boyfriend/future husband.

It's not horribly depressing, but somewhat saddening. That I would come to the conclusion that there is absolutely NO ONE out there for me.

Firstly, I ain't takin' no shit from NO man. That same shit other women put up with to say they have a man. You know that shit. All these babies, sidepieces, criminal records, lies, bullcrap. I'm just not. I refuse. I'm better than that. I'm not putting up with one lie. If you lie to me once, you'll lie to me again.

Secondly, I'm not changing who I am. For nobody. In the past, I felt maybe I have to change who I am. Either be an uptight snobby priss who has her nose turned up at everything and judging everyone, or be triflin', outta control skank with an insatiable hunger for money, men, clothes, and more money. Then, and maybe then, a man would be breaking his neck to call me his.

But that is not who I am. I can't even say I'm in the medium of the spectrum of that.

I am me. Charmin. The sunflower seed-cracking, truth-speaking, book-reading, way-too-nice, long-suffering, easy crying, potty-mouthed, yet considerate and nice young woman I've always been.

Oh yes: I've consider myself a prize. Contrary to popular belief, I have an very high self-esteem. I'm well-spoken, polite, beautiful, sexy, funny, and all that. Bonus: I have no babydaddies or snot-nosed brats to bring to the table. A man would be extremely lucky to find a fine catch like me.

However, I remain dateless, my phone remains ringless, and my bed empty and cold. It is the price I pay not to deal with the mess.

Guys don't holler at me anymore (well, at least until May when I wear less clothes).....perhaps they can see the disgust, pain, anger, and disappointment in my heart. The thrill is gone. Don't even talk to me, my eyes say. Of course they can't talk to me. Either their wife/girfriend/kids are usually right there.

I do think it's a serious crisis: the shortage of good black men. I really wish the men were like the men of my father's and grandfather's generations. Where it wasn't a contest to see how many women they could dog out, to see how many children out of wedlock they can produce, etc., etc., etc. Men back then seemed to deeply love their women and treat them like fine delicate pieces of china. Not anymore. The ones who do are quickly snatched within an eyeblink.....no wonder our fellow girlfriends who are wived up are like "eeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhehhhheeeeehhhhhhhhhh!" They too, know that they're lucky as hell.

I think that what some women don't want to realize or face up to, is that some of us are going to be left out. Not that we want to be left out, but there are literally much less black males than there are black females. We'll have no choice. Black males are aware of this, giving them more reason for them to believe that they're pimps and there are more tits and ass, excuse me, I mean women for the choosing.

We'll see......if I am an old maid forever. I'll call the people @ the Guiness Book of World Records if I ever found another that was close to being significant for me.