Dear bitchy women: what's your secret to keeping your man?

To the Women who've always gotten their way,

I need to know your secrets.

You know. How you're able to hold on to your man, no matter how snappy, rude, or demanding you may be.

I really would love to know how you're able to raise your voice, use a firm tone, withhold sex and affection, take him for granted, and do this knowing that he'll never leave your side.

I feel like if I were more bitchy as you are, the men would fall in my lap. I'm very sweet and caring at heart. That's not ever worked in my favor, though. I've tried being the bitch. Being the bitch doesn't seem to suit me. Yet, I watch you be a bitch and get everything you ask for, without question.

Those of you who speak to your husbands and boyfriends with love and respect, these questions are not for you.

This question is for those of you who haughtily issue commands to your significant others. You women who can publicly own your man and he says "yes baby" before breaking his neck to do your bidding.

What is so wonderful about you that he tolerates your behavior? Is your pussy lined with platinum, diamonds, and honey?

What's so special about you that he willingly takes care of your kids by one or more fathers?

How are you so cold and dismissive, yet he is willing to break the bank to satisfy your every need and demand?

I'm not being funny nor attempting to be humorous. I really want to know.

I've heard it said that men love bitches. Is that who I have to be to get a man?

Furthermore, what if I don't want to be a bitch? What if I want to be sweet, nice Charmin as I've always been? Am I destined to be forever single because of it?

Let's get something straight. I don't take no junk off NO man. However, for me, that's what seems to keep them away from me; the fact that I'm not putting up with their bullshit. The moment I put my foot down, there is no admiration or engagement rings. They're out.

However, it seems that some of you not only tolerate men's bullshit but rather, they put up with yours. Why? How? Yes, I have so many questions that need answering.

I've heard that men don't like bitches: but in the words of Maury Povich, the lie detector determined "that's a lie." Men love you bitches and move quickly to lock you down. Is it that these men are weak at heart? Or are they, in fact strong men equipped to deal with your bitchiness? I guess a better question is; is his love for you that strong?

Lies, all lies!

If you have your man in check despite you having a tight firm hold on his nutsack, inform me on how you accomplish this. Some of you aren't even beautiful by society's standards....which makes me wonder even more how you pull off being an utter bitch toward your man.

Somebody help me understand. Preferably, a bitch who has a man 100% dedicated to her, her mood swings, temper tantrums and endless rules and demands.